journal entry day 1

I remember walking on one of those lanes leading to my next class's room.
Then, I felt low in self - esteem, seeing a girl who had slim legs, beautiful looks and all the attention she had.
I admired her, like crazily, no one knew though.

So after graduating from college, I entered pre-university and began a fresh start for the chapter ordain in God's book.

WHO AM I?
WHY AM I HERE IN LIFE?

I had loneliness even before, but when I entered pre-university, I began being very outspoken. Lo and behold, I began catching the attention of so many people. Even, the prestige student council president recognize me! I thought I make it, I thought...

However, after pre-university. I began my university life, I had just broke off a relationship and told myself "I need to find my purpose in life before I get into the next relationship because I couldn't bare the pain that comes from a broken relationship leading to no friends and so forth.

I lost myself
Picking up the pieces, I began with discovering who am I? what I like??
I spent time in the library, listening to audio programs and so forth, I am still empty though.

I just desperate needed an answer and to not time slip my hand.

Then, in university, I faced rejection. I felt rejected- deeply.
I wanted a purpose in life, dont I?
I felt no one understand where I am coming from...

and probably my conversations wasn't good enough.
oh, anxiety,
U come and u call me stupid, unworthy of love, and so on.
I hate you, anxiety
I really do.

you make me weak, but its when i am weak, He is stronggg

its been 2 years, and I have been a better person now.
a lot of the disorders that i once had, had been broken
like eating disorder,
i used to be afraid of men too.
now, i am afraid of what they think of me.

am i a slut??
i hate it.

God has washed me clean from my past.
He has and He who began the good work in me will finished it till the day he comes back.

I need God
I cant do life without God

BESIDES THAT
comparison came back again.

but what am i , who am i, I am a child of God- I inherit the riches and glory of my Father in Heaven honestly.

I do not need to fear

sometimes, I get scared as if..I havent done enough, achieve enough or do my best and sort ..

so, maybe maybe maybe

I am just as enough as everyone else, I am just as broken as everyone else, as needy of God and His poeple's love just like you.

Born out of great love from Christ is a symbolic of Baptism, honestly I wished I could been baptised again hahha, i miss God so much 😢

I am tired
My body is like a curse to be in
I felt I offended so many people

God can help you find your pieces again.

"I assume you tried your best at that time as well. You were just tryingg your best everyday..

I need You, O God.

Position right now, as a child of God
A princess in fact hehe.
A God, He created Heavens and Earth, and HE calls me His
I am His
If He is for me, who is against me?

Be strong and courageous