Dear October

It's been awhile since I stepped foot here to write,

It's as if, like a movie scene that goes from 1990s to 2020s in a blink of an eye! 

It's been awhile indeed. Its been awhile since I scrolled through Facebook and still had glimpse of memories with the people there.

It's been awhile since days are like long, but now things are swiftly fast, like Taylor Swift that just published her new album! That's fast, she grew up!

Time is fleeting indeed, short and in a blink of an eye things may changed and a tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Psalm 39:4

“ LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. 

You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” Interlude. 

We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. 

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. 

Rescue me from my rebellion. Do not let fools mock me. 

I am silent before you; I won’t say a word, for my punishment is from you. 

But please stop striking me! I am exhausted by the blows from your hand. W

hen you discipline us for our sins, you consume like a moth what is precious to us. Each of us is but a breath. Interlude. 

Hear my prayer, O LORD ! Listen to my cries for help! Don’t ignore my tears. For I am your guest— a traveler passing through, as my ancestors were before me. 

Leave me alone so I can smile again before I am gone and exist no more.

As I began writing on the topic of time, we had already spent almost a year under quarantine. Did you gain anything out of these, was it fruitful or was it tired?

I know that it was mixture of both for me, so much to worry about so little time.

Hey, what's there to worry when the promise of tomorrow is not even guaranteed?

How do I spent most of my time during quarantine and what I could have used it for?

Recently, the movie The Social Dilemma was on Netflix. It describes how "if you are not paying the product, then you are the product"! Boy oh boy was I one, I purchased somethings on social media, some may say its a product of my friends' businesses and some may say I am doing so for other things. Needless to say, growth comes when you change. Make sense?

How can I expect to grow when I am not changing, slowly releasing harmful thought patterns, slowly releasing fear of judgement, am I there yet? no, I am on my way! wait - 

God called me to stop using social media;

for awhile now, He prompt me

hesitated, I shush off His voice and doubted it at the same time,

unsure, is it really Him, then it came back ... again!

God called me to stop using social media;

not easy, if it is Your will allow me to do it God

You have been stalking others way to much, they are like your exes turned your obsession.

I have to be careful of that

Undistracted, noisy world, sometimes I stopped being sensitive to You or the Holy Spirit.

Do I go on?

When or do we even know how Conversations are supposed to be?

Are we even braving through courage to speak to that person, are we (am I) brave (enough)?

Here's the thing, society has shaped us to falsely hope for things to happen, it's as if we are dreaming through days thinking it may happened.

"Law of Attraction" "Entitlement"

Oh boy, how about the certainty of my future?

and so on...

Wishing things could be different but not acting to make things different.

People follow you for who you are, not for who you can be!

God called me to cook for the family,

Obedience or Sacrifice?

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even if it's hard, do I trust Him and do I acknowledge the purpose He had created me to be?

to be first and foremost a child of God

Obedience is better than Sacrifice.

Here it is, October.
With hands held up high and hearts open, here I am, Jesus, Kelly here, use me, easier said but prune things that are not of Yours Abba. Take me from one glory to another (help me to move on and trust in You)